Saturday, November 13, 2010

Part 15: Submission

“Absolutely not,” the woman protested. “I will not get back on that stupid pill. Do you know how long I was on that thing? I’m already going to have to wait at least six months before trying again, probably more. Adding this to the mix will just make that wait even longer.”

The debate had already been going on for a few minutes, the gynecologic oncologist proposing one idea, the woman giving a counter argument for another.

“It is very important that you not get pregnant while on the chemo,” the oncologist rebutted. “If somehow you did, the results would be devastating to you and your baby.”

Beneath the professional fa├žade a genuine concern pleaded from the oncologist’s eyes. It was not just the plea of a doctor who had witnessed suffering and the unthinkable over many years in her practice, it was the plea of a woman and a mother who understood the innate desire for new life. It was this sincerity that broke through the woman’s resolve.

“Okay, I submit,” the woman replied. “I still don’t want to take that pill, but if you think that is best, I will do it. I’m 100% on board.”

The oncologist moved on to speak of the specificities of the chemotherapy treatment. They would begin by giving her Methotrexate, a drug that inhibits DNA replication in rapidly producing cells, like the ones continuing to reproduce in the woman’s uterus. This would kill off the existing cells and prevent new ones from forming. There were other drugs that could be used as well and possibly would be if her body didn’t respond to this first one, but those were more aggressive and had more side effects. The oncologist wished to start with the lesser of the evils.

This does not sound fun, thought the woman reclining back in her hospital bed. She was discouraged. I hope this stuff doesn’t wreck my body.

“When this is all over, I want to see pictures,” the oncologist said, interrupting her thought.

“Pictures?” said the woman.

“Of your next baby. I ask all my patients to send me pictures. You will get through this. Your type of the disease is nearly 100% curable, and I am confident that you will make a complete recovery. When you are ready to try again and you have your next baby, I want to see pictures!”

The woman was taken aback. She had been so caught up in the weight of her present situation that she hadn’t much thought about the light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t believe how confident she is about this, thought the woman. Could it really be true? I can't even imagine, but maybe she is right. The time will come some day when I can try again and I will have another baby. The emotional wounds from the past two months were still too fresh for the woman to completely buy into the idea, but deep down a hope filled the empty space in her heart left over from the loss. A freedom came over her as she not only submitted her treatment into the hands of the doctor, but also submitted her all into the hands of the Healer.


  1. Jess, I just want you to know how strong and beautiful I think you are. I am so proud to be able to call you a cousin and a member of my family. What you two are going through is not deserved but God does have plans for it all. You guys are in my prayers constantly. Love you both!

  2. Thank you so much for writing from your heart. M\P with twins|GTD III...metastasize to my lungs.M|P was killing me and my baby. I was literally dying when I got to hospital, I battle for 3long years. By the grace of God I am alive. I did EMA\Co treatment. I had a blood clot in my heart due to the port. I needed to have open heart surgery. PE 15 blood clots in my lungs. During my last treatment of EMA\co I need to stay in the hospital for about 2 wks from a staph infections that was cause by the PICC line. My strength and courage only come from him. Without him I am nothing. I cling to his hope and his promises. As of now I have had 1 yr cancer free. Someday I will also write my story. You have encouraged to do so. Thank you. God bless

  3. To Anonymous: Thank you for reading and sharing your story. What a battle you have been through, and what a testimony to keep your faith through it all. How wonderful that you can celebrate a year cancer free. Please let me know when you've written your whole story. I would love to read it someday.