Monday, March 12, 2012
One More Shot
Well, the doctor decided to scrap the idea of getting a baseline draw and just had me come in today for another blood draw and see where the values fell. My values would have needed to be at most 5049 to meet the 15% drop. They came back at 5392. I was faced with the option of another shot of methotrexate or surgery. They seem to really push surgery but, I'm sorry, I don't want someone digging around in me unless absolutely necessary. So, I took the shot. Apparently they are not hopeful that this will be successful because they said their best guess was that I have a 20% chance that the second shot will work. However, the levels have started dropping, which is encouraging, so I will hope that they go down enough over the next three days. If they don't go down15% by Wednesday, surgery is unavoidable. They will not give me a third shot. More to come, I suppose!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Lab Drama
My latest drama has been that the lab screwed up my sample somehow for my last draw. I was drawn at 5pm Thursday evening and they ran it Friday morning. The values were 5950 but they had to cancel the test for some reason (sample age, whatever that means...someone left it out somewhere or forgot to send it?). So, I got redrawn Friday at 3:30 so that they could run the test again. Well, that sample must have gotten lost somewhere again because I still have not received the results back (it's been over 12 hours and the test is run continuously 24/7 in the lab).
I'm trying not to freak out. This draw was supposed to be used as my baseline for determining if my levels were dropping enough or if I needed another shot. I'm not sure how they are going to do this if they don't have a proper baseline. I've already put the second draw out one day already...you'd think time is of the essence here! I spoke with the doctor yesterday and she seemed to think I was not out of the woods yet for the potential of a second shot. I'm just hoping that if I need it they will be able to give me the shot and not wait the 3 days between draws. I'm also more nervous that this is getting bigger and could rupture so I have to keep taking that thought captive. I'm also working 2-11pm this weekend and the rest of the coming week so that adds a little stress. Never a dull moment, I guess.
Theme verse of the week:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.(Ephesians 4:4-9)
Theme song of the week:
"No Matter What" - Kerrie Roberts
Please pray that I can just focus on the present instead of worrying about the future!
I'm trying not to freak out. This draw was supposed to be used as my baseline for determining if my levels were dropping enough or if I needed another shot. I'm not sure how they are going to do this if they don't have a proper baseline. I've already put the second draw out one day already...you'd think time is of the essence here! I spoke with the doctor yesterday and she seemed to think I was not out of the woods yet for the potential of a second shot. I'm just hoping that if I need it they will be able to give me the shot and not wait the 3 days between draws. I'm also more nervous that this is getting bigger and could rupture so I have to keep taking that thought captive. I'm also working 2-11pm this weekend and the rest of the coming week so that adds a little stress. Never a dull moment, I guess.
Theme verse of the week:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.(Ephesians 4:4-9)
Theme song of the week:
"No Matter What" - Kerrie Roberts
Please pray that I can just focus on the present instead of worrying about the future!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Round Two
Well, we found out two weeks ago that I was indeed pregnant. It was exciting, but, of course, there is always a caution because you never know what is going to happen. Within 3 days of finding out, I began to spot. This was obviously alarming to me because this was the same time period--between 5 and 6 weeks--that my molar pregnancy started revealing itself. After 3 days, I ended up calling and requesting a blood draw. The uncertainty of it all was mentally unbearable. My first result came back at 911. Two days later it was 1394. My molar levels were in the 9,000's by this point, so in my mind I ruled out molar pregnancy but knew I had 2 other hurdles standing in my way: Miscarriage or Ectopic Pregnancy.
Based on the results and the fact that I was still bleeding, I went in for an ultrasound. It came back clean. What a relief! My uterus was practically empty. Now all we needed was a blood draw to confirm and I'd be good to go (as good as you can be with news of a miscarriage...but it could always be worse). Unfortunately, I missed the easy route. My blood levels raised more questions than answers because they'd increased to 2447. Two days later, there was another increase to 2965. This was not looking good. Miscarriage was looking more and more like ectopic. The doctor said the ultrasound wouldn't be worth it at this point and I proceeded to wait 4 more days for my next blood draw, hoping that something wouldn't burst inside me somewhere.
My blood results came back Monday at 4376. After speaking with the staff, I was told to come in and get and ultrasound and meet with a doctor. The ultrasound came back positive for an ectopic pregnancy. It was a 2.1 cm spot in my left fallopian tube on the bend near the ovary (apparently most of them occur here). There was no fetal pole and no heart beat, which was reassuring in some sense, because your only options are either 1) wait it out and see if it takes care of itself (if it doesn't, your tubes will rupture), 2) get a methotrexate shot (chemotherapy drug that I had w/molar pregnancy...it essentially inhibits cell growth), or 3) have it surgically removed. Apparently I qualified for the methotrexate treatment because the mass was small enough, I have not experienced any pain, and there was no sign of a live fetus. So, that is what we did. I had the shot last night. We are praying that the first shot takes care of the left over placental tissue that has still been growing. They will potentially do one more, but if the second one doesn't work, it is off to surgery. I have 2 blood draws scheduled, one Thursday and one Sunday. There needs to be a 15% decline in the hormone levels between those two days to confirm that the first shot is working.
So here we go again. Round two. Not exactly what I was hoping for with my next pregnancy. I feel like 1 in 100,000 (odds of molar & ectopic...if you factor in complete molar it's 1 in 500,000). The last two weeks I've been grieving in various ways and in some ways I was still dealing with the grief from the molar. Until I have a healthy pregnancy, there is no way to get around the feelings of injustice and jealousy when I hear of others getting pregnant and having kids, but it's something I feel and let go in the moment; it is too ugly of an emotion to allow it to fester and settle in.
Do I understand why this is happening? No. Do I like it? No. Do I trust that God will work this for good? Yes. Will He bring me through this? Yes. Is God still good? Yes.
Please continue to pray:
Based on the results and the fact that I was still bleeding, I went in for an ultrasound. It came back clean. What a relief! My uterus was practically empty. Now all we needed was a blood draw to confirm and I'd be good to go (as good as you can be with news of a miscarriage...but it could always be worse). Unfortunately, I missed the easy route. My blood levels raised more questions than answers because they'd increased to 2447. Two days later, there was another increase to 2965. This was not looking good. Miscarriage was looking more and more like ectopic. The doctor said the ultrasound wouldn't be worth it at this point and I proceeded to wait 4 more days for my next blood draw, hoping that something wouldn't burst inside me somewhere.
My blood results came back Monday at 4376. After speaking with the staff, I was told to come in and get and ultrasound and meet with a doctor. The ultrasound came back positive for an ectopic pregnancy. It was a 2.1 cm spot in my left fallopian tube on the bend near the ovary (apparently most of them occur here). There was no fetal pole and no heart beat, which was reassuring in some sense, because your only options are either 1) wait it out and see if it takes care of itself (if it doesn't, your tubes will rupture), 2) get a methotrexate shot (chemotherapy drug that I had w/molar pregnancy...it essentially inhibits cell growth), or 3) have it surgically removed. Apparently I qualified for the methotrexate treatment because the mass was small enough, I have not experienced any pain, and there was no sign of a live fetus. So, that is what we did. I had the shot last night. We are praying that the first shot takes care of the left over placental tissue that has still been growing. They will potentially do one more, but if the second one doesn't work, it is off to surgery. I have 2 blood draws scheduled, one Thursday and one Sunday. There needs to be a 15% decline in the hormone levels between those two days to confirm that the first shot is working.
So here we go again. Round two. Not exactly what I was hoping for with my next pregnancy. I feel like 1 in 100,000 (odds of molar & ectopic...if you factor in complete molar it's 1 in 500,000). The last two weeks I've been grieving in various ways and in some ways I was still dealing with the grief from the molar. Until I have a healthy pregnancy, there is no way to get around the feelings of injustice and jealousy when I hear of others getting pregnant and having kids, but it's something I feel and let go in the moment; it is too ugly of an emotion to allow it to fester and settle in.
Do I understand why this is happening? No. Do I like it? No. Do I trust that God will work this for good? Yes. Will He bring me through this? Yes. Is God still good? Yes.
Please continue to pray:
- That this first methotrexate shot works according to plan.
- That my body can heal without too much scar tissue (I'm now at risk of having another ectopic in the future because of this...15% chance).
- For strength for Dave & I to deal with the emotions/stress of the situation in the midst of other stresses of work.
- For a future healthy pregnancy at some point in the near future and the courage to try again.
- For emotional/spiritual/mental healing through the grief.
- For protection over our marriage from spiritual attack.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Christmas on Valentine's?
Today is Valentine's Day. My husband and I had our first date 8 years ago on this day. It's hard to believe we've been together that long! We dated for 3-ish years and have been married almost 5. He made me steaks tonight...and then we split up to do our own things. He worked on building a new computer and I watched a couple episodes of Battlestar Galactica on Netfilx. Romantic, I know! I also cleaned the bathroom and took down Christmas decorations.
Yes, I actually made an effort to decorate for Christmas this year. I was so proud of myself that I couldn't bear to take them down and wanted to enjoy my efforts for a little longer. Now that I've finally taken down the decorations, everything looks so bare! At some point in my life I would like to actually make an effort to have a style to my home decorating. For now, it is pretty plain. I signed up for Pinterest a few weeks ago, but haven't been able to take the time to look around. I hear there are lots of good ideas floating around there. My laptop that I use is 8 years old and needs reformatting badly. If I have too many tabs open in my browser or there are too many graphics on the page, my computer gets tired and doesn't know what to do. Then, I have to hard reboot and it takes 20 minutes to pull up the log-in screen. So, by that point I move on to something else because I get frustrated.
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